Whether in a relationship, or not. Whether wishing you were, or not. Here is what I propose this Valentine's Day... self gentleness. Regardless of how we choose to journey through the day (and beyond), self gentleness. I am not in the slightest trying to simplify the complexity that leads to a moment where the choice to end one's life is a real option. I however, feel like we ALL need to lift the pressure off ourselves regardless of our current mental well being; to lift the intensity of the constant reaching for holidays looking a certain way... and in turn lift the constant pressure for our lives to appear a certain way.
If you are in a relationship and LOVE Valentine's Day, so many messages come out attacking you stating that "if you need one day a year to celebrate love in your relationship, something is seriously wrong with it/you" Guess what? Nope! It means there is ANOTHER day a year you are hoping to make your partner feel loved. Go you! Or "you're an idiot to waste your money" or "it's a Hallmark holiday". Guess what? Who cares! You get to powerfully choose where to allocate your financial resources. If you are in a relationship and LOVE Valentine's Day, here is your great, big permission slip to celebrate and LOVE the fuck out of it with the person you love!
If you are not in a relationship and would love to celebrate Valentine's Day, please don't wait for a partner... celebrate the fuck out of it now!
- set up a day filled with a kinds of self gentleness ritual
- set up activities that nourish your heart with people who nourish your soul
- visit a seniors home and hand out flowers spreading love to those that may also be feeling the need for some human connection
- visit the pound and bring puppy/cat valentine's to your favourite furry friends
- go to a movie that inspires you and relish in not needing to compromise on the movie or snack choices!
- send "love-letters" to all the people that inspire you and support you in life
- do something special you have been saving for a rainy day... and let it rain, baby!
In short, do whatever makes your soul sing and celebrate the day! Go you!
Whether you are in a relationship or not, and DON'T love Valentine's Day, here is your great big permission slip to ignore it completely! It doesn't mean your relationship is any more evolved than the people who celebrate the day; it doesn't mean you spend you financial resources "better" than the people who celebrate it; it doesn't mean you are a bitter single person because you don't celebrate it...it means you choose not to celebrate Valentine's Day. That's it. That's all. And if that is what honours your heart, that's perfect. Go you!
Above all, this is your permission slip to wake in the morning and feel how you feel; to drop the self attack if you wake up feeling differently than you "planned"; to look personal insecurities in the eyeballs and resist the temptation to vomit those feelings about the holiday onto others choosing differently - as if those feelings were some sort of marker measuring who's winning at life based on whether or not they pained hearts on their nails and ate heart shaped chocolate. Whether you are celebrating Valentine's Day or living out a regular old February day, I am certain you have WAY more important ways to invest your energy!
Can we together agree to soak in a little self gentleness this Valentine's Day and simply celebrate/or not?
Sending you love on February 14... and beyond!
*If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out. If you do not feel reaching out to friends/family is the right option for you, The Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre of BC (Crisis Centre) is a non-profit, volunteer organization committed to helping people help themselves and others deal with crisis. You are not alone. <3