“The black moment is the moment when the real message of transformation is going to come.
At the darkest moment comes the light.”
~ Joseph Campbell
When I began this journey a few months ago, first finding this tumour and then the whirlwind that followed, I was angry beyond words. Perhaps that is why you have not seen many words from me here. I knew I was stronger than ever before, but the strength was scattered, angry and unsettled. Primal, really.
I have done a great deal of work leading up to today; spent a lot of time in preparation, in examining and in letting go. There was so much to do, beyond the obvious physical, to prepare and be *ready*. I have not been alone in this preparation, and I am so grateful for that. Not only has there been an amazing outpouring of love and support from my family, friends and community, I am blessed to be surrounded by a tribe of women with intuition and healing wisdom that is so strong and powerful. They have all held an imperative part of the puzzle. The *alone work* on and off my mat, and time in meditation has helped me process and has provided some stillness to the scattered craziness.
Today, in just a few minutes, I will walk out the door for surgery to have this tumour and half of the gland removed. I wouldn't describe how I feel as positive, but I do feel incredibly centred and focused. So much has shifted inside of me and I am now ready to move forward. Don't get me wrong, there were some (ok, many) ugly, fall down moments in arriving at this point. However, I am here.
Every challenge in my life has trained me for this moment, for this day, and I needed to experience them to be ready. It is so much bigger than a tumour, no matter how much that in itself feels. Today is the winter solstice where we seasonally leave the darkness and move toward the light. I do not feel it is any coincidence that today I figuratively leave behind this darkness with a great leap into the light.
It was my turn to become the warrior and I am ready.